Sometimes the writers on Eretz Nehederet, Israel’s SNL-type comedy show make up jokes that are too wild and crazy to be believable, and sometimes life outdoes anything that the comedy team can come up with.
That happened on Wednesday, after US President Donald Trump announced during a joint press conference with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in Washington that the US was going take over Gaza so that Hamas would no longer pose a threat to Israel and that Gaza residents would be moved elsewhere.
Had the Eretz Nehederet writers made up the exact suggestions that came out of Trump’s mouth at the White House, they would have been accused of being ridiculously out of touch with reality.
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Scrambling to absorb Trump’s new Gaza deal, the show had actor Omer Etzion, who plays the US president, come on and announce he has a new plan: “It’s not a transfer, it’s a Trumps-fer.”
Talking about Gaza, he said, “Everything is falling apart, nobody can live there,” to which Sara Netanyahu, the prime minister’s wife, said, “It’s like Balfour,” referring to the prime minister’s residence, which she has complained needs renovations.
Asked by host Eyal Kitzis how he proposes to get the nearly two million Gazans to go elsewhere, Trump said, “We’ll see, we’ll see, maybe we’ll put them on this ship,” and showed a picture of a cruise liner by Tesla, the company owned by Trump’s friend, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk.
In response to a question about where he would take them, he said, “We’ll see, we’ll see, we’ll find a nice place for them, they will be shiny, happy Arabs… I love Hawaii, maybe Bora Bora, maybe Narnia.” Parodying Trump’s ability to juxtapose the serious and the trivial, the writers had Trump say that if he had been president, October 7 would never have happened, and neither would the war in Ukraine, and especially that Israeli model Yael Shelbia and singer Omer Adam would not have broken up.
Saying he would show Netanyahu how the new, “Arabs-free,” Gaza, would be, he produced a plan filled with hotels, casinos, golf courses, and a Disney resort. “OK, now I’m ready for my Nobel Prize, for peace and real estate,” he said. Kitzis had more questions, but the plan met with approval from Netanyahu and Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich, who had sneaked into the White House by hiding in a suitcase.
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Smotrich called to end the ceasefire and return to the fighting, but Netanyahu told him Gaza would be one big Disneyland from now on. Smotrich couldn’t believe his ears, saying that he thought he had misheard, due to his shaky command of English. American-born Strategic Affairs Minister Ron Dermer showed up to say he understood the Arabs and would handle the plan’s implementation.
Those jokes were hard to top, but the program found a way to make a bitterly funny skit about the Red Cross’s failure to help the hostages in any way, other than to drive them very short distances between Hamas terrorists and waiting Israelis.
A driver for a new Uber service called Red Cross Rideshare App, played by L. E. Staiman (@shutuplyle), says, “Simply download the app, book your ride, and we’ll be there within 15 months,” to an incredulous hostage, who doesn’t understand why the Red Cross didn’t visit her all the months she was held in Gaza. “Am I going to see my family now?” she asks. “Sure,” he replies. “We just have to go make one teensy pitstop and do a ceremony with a bunch of terrorists, where you all smile and wave and pretend like you’re old friends from sleepaway camp, is that cool?”
An announcer’s voice came on, proclaiming, “Red Ride, we’ll be there the entire two hundred meters of a ride that literally anyone else could have driven.” The driver tells her, “OK, we’re here,” and asks her to rate the ride, saying, “No pressure, but Hamas always gives five stars,” to which she replies, “F*** you!” The announcer says, “Red Ride, it’s like Uber – but with a Nobel Peace Prize.”
Former hostage highlights
These were the highlights, and the show opened with an uncharacteristic sketch, not comedy but a fantasy, showing released hostages and the family members who fight for them as members of the government.
Gadi Moses of Nir Oz, the 80-year-old farmer and agricultural instructor who was freed last week, is shown walking though fields as Rehabilitation Minister.
Biking enthusiast from Ofer Calderon of Nir Oz was shown as the transportation minister, while Emily Damari is National Security Minister.
The president in this parallel universe is Einav Zangauker, mother of hostage Matan Zangauker and the new prime minster, naturally, is Liri Albag, who reportedly knew how to get tough with Hamas and was even able to intervene and convince the terrorist not to kill Amit Soussana, a fellow hostage who was tortured in captivity.
These uplifting images of the brave, spirited former captives in positions of responsibility showed that someday soon, they will make Israel into an even more wonderful country.