US President Donald Trump has announced that after clearing the Gaza Strip, he and First Homie Elon Musk will be constructing a real Jurassic Park in the Middle East.
"This is going to be the greatest park — absolutely tremendous,” Trump said in a press conference.
“People are saying it’s the best park ever. We’re bringing jobs, we’re bringing dinosaurs, and frankly, nobody’s ever done dinosaurs like me before. Very strong, very powerful creatures — just like me."
The dinosaurs, currently being developed by Musk’s latest venture, X-osaurs (formerly Twitter-saurs), will be flown in sometime in March, in an attempt to ‘speed up’ the end of the war and assist in clearing Gazans out of the strip.
"We're combining cutting-edge AI with ancient DNA. It’s not just a Jurassic Park — it’s a Jurassic Mars prototype,” Musk said. “I've sent everyone in Gaza an email asking where they're moving to; failure to respond will be taken as a resignation – from life. The dinosaurs will eat you.”
When asked about safety measures, Trump assured that there was nothing to fear.
"These dinosaurs will be the safest neighbors you could ask for — a lot safer than Hamas, folks. Dinosaurs might have big teeth, but at least they don’t build tunnels or fire rockets. Believe me, it’s a big improvement."
“And if they get out of line, we have a beautiful, beautiful wall — the best wall — keeping them in. Nobody builds walls better than me, folks," he added.
Israel’s leaders have lauded the decision, showing nothing but support for the prehistoric vision.
A totally dino-mite move for the region
"This is a historic moment for the region,” Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said.
“For too long, we've dealt with threats from Hamas. Dinosaurs, on the other hand, bring tourism, innovation, and security. A velociraptor has never launched a rocket at Tel Aviv."
"This project showcases Israeli resilience and American ingenuity,” Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich added. “If Hamas wants to act like animals, let’s see how they handle real beasts with sharp teeth and no political motives."