Since the founding of Israel’s military, the Israeli Air Force has always been a strength and is likely the strongest, most powerful air force in the Middle East region. Today, The Jerusalem Roast can reveal that our small country was able to build such a strong air force with help from a secret group of beings.
Gavin “Grumpy” Unicorn tells all
How did a group of unicorns come to assist the IDF?
When David Ben-Gurion was trying to build the state and the IDF, his government approached everyone for airplanes. The French and the Czechoslovakians ended up donating a large amount, but it wasn’t enough. We were flying over the region at the time and could see that Israel needed help, and so volunteered.
Why was this kept a secret for 77 years?
Well, most of the world remains unaware of our existence because knowing about the advanced technology that unicorns possess would cause an arms race. When we signed up for an exclusive agreement with Israel we agreed it would be kept quiet, but the recent successes of the Israeli Air Force has led to more questions being asked.
Do you think the world would be more shocked at the existence of unicorns or at their Zionism?
Everyone should really know that unicorns are real, or at least used to be before going extinct. I mean, we are the national animal of Scotland and still exist on the UK’s state emblem. As far as our Zionist tendencies, that has just grown naturally over time. I mean, there’s a reason all these successful start-ups are called “unicorn” companies. The clues have been there for all to see.
Why have unicorns been so successful as an air force?
We can fly over incredible distances without needing to concern ourselves with logistics like fuel or weather disruptions. We also utilize owls and their 360-degree vision, which humans aren’t able to do, because they neither have the neck flexibility nor the ability to communicate with owls. It’s really a shame. Owls have a lot of wisdom to share.
Are you concerned about what will happen now that the world knows?
Not really. All of this anti-air equipment has never caught unicorns. In fact, there is only one way to counter a unicorn in flight, and that will obviously be kept secret, but suffice it to say that human military equipment will not be able to affect us.
Do you have any closing messages for the world?
Yes, as unicorns, we can strike anywhere at any time with pinpoint accuracy. That’s why we were so successful in eliminating Hezbollah’s leadership in Beirut. But we could do the same elsewhere too, so watch out Iran, don’t make the unicorns angry; you wouldn’t like us when we are angry.
Thank you, Gavin, and may sparkles and rainbows light your path.