It is undisputed that this war has resulted in a tsunami of psychological challenges beyond anything this country has experienced since its rebirth in 1948.
Many seeking emotional help have anxieties about finding the right support; one fear is that the financial cost would be beyond their means. For English speakers, another challenge is finding support from someone who speaks their language.
The English Speaking Residents Association (ESRA) was established in 1979. Today, it provides a spectrum of programs and events through its branches, plus the opportunity to volunteer in any of its many projects.
ESRA counseling service
In 2007, ESRA founded its counseling service, offering affordable emotional support specifically for English speakers.
The volunteer counselors include qualified social workers, psychologists, and therapists. In some areas, the service offers face-to-face counseling, which is also available on Zoom for those who can’t meet in person.
In addition to sessions for individuals, group sessions via Zoom are also available. One such group is for those seeking help following the loss of a loved one. ESRA’s bereavement groups have proven to be invaluable to those finding it painful to cope with the death of a beloved member of the family or a dear friend.
And a carers’ group supports prime carers of those experiencing increasing challenges due to age or disability.
Especially relevant is a group that addresses the fall-out of this war – its effect on individuals, couples, and children. Parents and grandparents fear for the safety of their offspring serving in the IDF who have been called back repeatedly for IDF duties.
Some participants have expressed anger at friends and relatives in the Diaspora who do not want to talk about the war or any aspect of it. Notes one participant: “It almost feels as if they might have been brainwashed by the incessant anti-Israel sentiments being expressed via the international media.”
WHAT IS the detrimental effect that this war is having on family life? An example is a husband serving in a combat unit who returns home filled with traumatic experiences and faces a wife with fears and anxieties of her own. Their concerns may well be passed on to their children.
The key to coping with relationship challenges, even at the best of times, is to communicate with each other. Inevitably, there are areas where the couple is not in sync; problems arise when these feelings are not shared at the outset but are pushed away, leading to a breakdown in the relationship. Such situations can often be helped through counseling.
Regarding the evacuees from the North who have been living in central Israel: How has it been for those who have returned to homes that are still standing and are habitable? How is it for their children who, for the past 17 months, have made new friends in new schools and are now returning to their former lives? Inevitably, the parents and the children need support.
A reality that has taken on even greater significance during this war period is the sense of isolation felt by those living on their own who find it increasingly taxing to make friends and participate in outside activities. To address this, ESRA runs a befrienders project. Volunteers who want to befriend lonely individuals undergo specific training, and then connect with someone looking to be befriended. At their first meeting, the two agree on the time to hold their weekly get-togethers.
One volunteer relates the following experience as a befriender:
Three years ago, I arranged to meet M, who was living in a retirement home. At the outset, it was clear that he was unhappy, needy, and somewhat stubborn. During our first conversation, he said angrily: ‘My family just dumped me here after my partner passed away.’ It seemed that his family thought it would be better for him if he were living close to them.
Despite its being an upscale retirement residence, M arrived with a negative attitude, coupled with a feeling of isolation. An additional issue was the language barrier, since most of the residents were Hebrew speakers. Although M’s late partner’s native language was Hebrew, they spoke English to each other.
M shared that it was difficult to make new friends at the home. ‘They sit around in cliques and don’t invite me to join their group!’ he said.
As we came to know each other through our weekly meetings, it became easier to tackle some of the issues. Introducing M to other English speakers was the key. The local ESRA branch organizes Meet and Greet sessions, attracting new members. This, in addition to ESRA’s lively program for English speakers, was perfect.
My taking M out for coffee, lunch by the beach, or to a movie helped him feel comfortable in his new environment.
Celebrating his birthday and bringing a cake for the other residents broke the ice, enabling M to become more accepted within the retirement home’s Hebrew-speaking community.
He shocked me when he asked me to find him a befriender. I asked – as his befriender – ‘Why?’ He responded: ‘You aren’t a befriender, you are one of the family.’ At that point, I knew this was a success story.
Befriending has mutual benefits. Befrienders feel a sense of satisfaction, aiding people to find a better daily life for themselves. And the befriendees have someone they can trust who will help find solutions to their needs. It’s a win-win situation.
It is important to note, especially during the current stressful period, that ESRA’s counselors and befrienders offer their services at all times. Emotional challenges and a sense of isolation should be addressed at the outset. The good news is that the services offered by ESRA are affordable and are conducted in English.
Seeking help? Contact Susan at 052-698-9088 or Cecily at 050-373-1302.
The writer is a former relationship counselor. She is president of Israel, Britain and the Commonwealth Association, and has chaired public affairs organizations in Israel and the UK.