As we reach Lag Ba’omer, a new wedding season will officially begin. If you’re a couple about to get married, you’re probably busy preparing for the exciting event.
But before you enter the huppah, there’s one small yet very significant step worth taking: signing the “Agreement for Mutual Respect,” which seeks to protect both parties and prevent the ongoing nightmare of get refusal.
This might not seem relevant to you right now, but it could save your freedom and dignity once you are married according to the law of Moses and Israel. While everyone is talking about love, it’s worth discussing freedom too, in the form of a halachic prenuptial agreement.
According to civil law in Israel, marriage and divorce take place only under religious law. Jewish law stipulates that for divorce, the consent of both spouses is required. Therefore, if one spouse refuses the process, the other may remain trapped in marriage against their will.
Thus, the get, which is the certificate of release from marriage, can become a weapon used for imprisonment, extortion, and threats.
Being a chained spouse in Israel
Becoming an aguna (chained spouse) is not a decree from Heaven; it is the result of coercion, insensitivity, and sometimes even revenge. But within this complex reality, there is a legal, preventative solution to the phenomenon: signing agreements such as the Agreement for Mutual Respect, which aim to protect both parties and prevent the ongoing phenomenon of get abuse.
These agreements are not just legal documents; they are declarations of intent, expressions of a shared desire to build a home on a foundation of mutual respect, equality, and consideration. They presuppose the unwanted possibility of separation and create mechanisms to ensure that the divorce process, if it occurs, will be fair and efficient, without the use of emotional or financial extortion.
Some will argue that signing such an agreement indicates a lack of trust or pessimism about the future of the marriage. But I see it as a demonstration of responsibility and maturity. Just as we insure our property and our health, we should also ensure our emotional well-being and personal freedom in case of crisis.
These agreements do not express a lack of faith in love but rather a sober understanding of the fact that life is unpredictable and acknowledge the need to protect ourselves and our future. They are not the end of romance but the beginning of mutual respect.
Israeli society, which upholds the human dignity of both men and women as a supreme value, should combat the phenomenon of get refusal with every tool at its disposal. Prenuptial agreements are a powerful instrument in this struggle.
They send a clear message: human dignity and freedom are not negotiable. They create a reality in which a man who refuses to grant a get has something to lose; the financial cost he will be forced to bear for his abusive and coercive behavior creates a strong disincentive, making get-refusal an unprofitable path.
I call on every couple standing at the threshold of a new and exciting chapter in their lives: do not hesitate to sign an agreement to prevent get refusal. Do not see it as a sign of distrust but as an act of responsibility and true love – love that respects one’s partner even in moments of crisis.
This is a small step with an enormous impact on your future and on the future of society as a whole. If we succeed in making the mutual respect agreement a mandatory document for every Jewish marriage, we will create a social safety net that will dramatically reduce the despicable phenomenon of get abuse.
This voice needs to be heard and should become an integral part of the discourse on marriage and family in Israel.
The writer is director of Yad La’isha: The Monica Dennis Goldberg Legal Aid Center for Agunot, a division of Ohr Torah Stone.