The October 7 Hamas attack on southern Israel and the ensuing war have had far-reaching and impossibly painful effects on Israelis.
Some of these effects are not immediately apparent but are potentially just as devastating. Among these is the possibility that a Jewish woman could become aguna – “chained” to her marriage because her husband is unable to provide her with a Jewish divorce.
“In any case in which a husband is unable to provide a get [Jewish divorce document] – whether because he is missing, taken hostage, or in a vegetative state due to combat injury – a woman is unable to move forward with her life,” Pnina Omer explained.
Omer, the director of Yad La’isha: The Monica Dennis Goldberg Legal Aid Center and Hotline, explained that this is something that can happen in peacetime, “but the risk of it occurring is much higher in times of war.” A woman in this position “cannot remarry or have any additional children,” Omer said, adding that this is an “incredibly challenging situation.
“The situation of the hostages [taken by Hamas on October 7] is unknown and tragically uncertain until we see them all return home. Therefore, in the current reality, there are undoubtedly women living under the threat of becoming agunot,” Omer explained.
“While we, like all of Israel, believe and hope that everyone will return home safely, I cannot say that this situation doesn’t trouble and worry us, particularly concerning the fear of aguna,” she said.
Hundreds of Israelis were taken hostage on October 7; the status of many of them is unknown, and there is a great deal of fear that more information about them may never be available.
The war has also seen hundreds of thousands of Israelis reporting for reserve duty. Soldiers are at higher risk of leaving their wives agunot because of the danger they face, Rabbi Rafi Ostroff, chairman of the Gush Etzion Religious Council, explained.
He broke the risk into two categories – soldiers who are taken hostage during battle and soldiers who return with significant head injuries that leave them unable to grant their wives a get.
“Today, [the second category] has become the more common scenario,” he added, explaining that technological and medical advancements mean that it is much more rare for soldiers to go missing and much more common for soldiers to survive injuries that in the past would have killed them, but today may leave them cognitively unable to grant a divorce.
“Beyond those classified as being in a vegetative state, there are men whose injuries fall into a gray area,” Omer expanded.
“These include cases where the physical or psychological injuries are very severe, with critical impairments to functionality or cognition. In these situations as well, there may be concerns about the future of the marriage, and challenges may arise in releasing the women from these marriages,” she explained.
Ostroff touched on how this possibility and the fear it can inspire can affect people, explaining what led him to study the risk of becoming aguna for soldiers’ wives.
The daughter of a good friend was married right before her husband was called away to his combat service in the army, he recounted.
“There was a wedding, and the same night he went,” said Ostroff, explaining that this left both his friend and his daughter “full of anxiety,” fearing what might happen if the husband were to be badly injured and unable to grant his wife a Jewish divorce.
This is something that had happened before in the family, Ostroff said, explaining why it was such a significant fear for the two.
The gruesome topic
AS HE researched further, Ostroff discovered a topic that he called “gruesome” but said must be addressed as a reality of life in Israel.
His exploration of the topic led Ostroff to a number of halachic (Jewish legal) solutions to aginut, which he said were at times used by the IDF to protect soldiers’ wives.
One of these is a get al tnai (conditional get), and another is a harsha’ah l’get – permission for emissaries to grant one’s wife a get given certain circumstances, he explained.
A harsha’a l’get “is a simple document that must be signed in the presence of two valid witnesses,” Omer explained.
This document “is a vital safeguard for the wife. She is, of course, not obligated to use it, but it puts the choice in her hands.”
Use of a harsha’a l’get was widespread in the IDF at the founding of the state, and there was a standing order that all soldiers going to battle sign one, but this fell out of practice, as commanders expressed concerns that it could hurt morale, Ostroff said.
While soldiers are not told to sign such a document, they can still request one from their commanders, and there is a standing order that says that it should be made available to soldiers who want to sign it.
It is important to note that the version offered by the IDF may not cover some types of aginut.
At a Knesset meeting on the topic in November, IDF Rabbi Lt.-Col. Avihud Schwartz clarified that the current IDF document does not provide a solution for medical aginut – the situation in which a soldier cannot grant a get because of injury.
Ostroff expanded on the fears that once were raised regarding the potential effects on soldiers of signing this safeguard. Many soldiers were Holocaust survivors when commanders flagged it. In this context, it is not hard to understand the difficulty that comes with signing this kind of permission, he explained.
“They went through a Holocaust, and now they also need to sign that their wife can get married if they don’t come back [from war],” he stressed.
Nonetheless, protecting the wives of soldiers serving in the IDF is crucial, Ostroff countered, stressing that he thinks the IDF must pick up the mantle and figure out how to advance the use of harsha’ot l’get.
“I think that every married soldier who goes out to fight, whether in Gaza or Lebanon or the West Bank, should sign,” he said.
“I personally think that the relationship status of soldiers is that they care for their wives. Most people say, ‘If I die, I want my wife to have a good life and marry someone else.’
“I think there are very few people who would say, ‘If I die, I don’t want my wife to get married,’ and so I think that this [the use of harsha’ot l’get] should be advanced.”
Ostroff also highlighted that rather than lowering morale, signing the form can raise the confidence and security of soldiers who know that they have protected their wives from aginut and that their wives will not be locked in marriage even if something terrible happens to them.
Ostroff said that almost all the soldiers he has spoken with about this solution have not had a problem with the idea of signing the permission for a get. Moreover, he “hear[s] from soldiers who say ‘I will be a much calmer soldier in battle if I know that there is no chance that my wife will be left aguna.’”
Omer echoed this sentiment. “During this war, many soldiers have signed this document before heading into battle. Some of them described significant relief, knowing that a major concern had been alleviated and that their wives were protected.”
At the same time, Ostroff also speaks with soldiers who express fear and negative feelings when considering signing the document. There are soldiers who say, “Listen, I am afraid of it; it makes me think too much of death, so I don’t want to sign.”
This fear can also affect the wives of soldiers who are fighting, Ostroff added.
“If she knows that there is such a form [for a harsha’a l’get], it will put the death in front of her in a much more tangible way and may cause her anxiety,” Ostroff hypothesized.
Nonetheless, because the possible effects on women of aginut are so severe, Ostroff and Omer encouraged couples to consider signing harsha’ot l’get.
Ostroff also urged the IDF to advance this solution among soldiers.
“Especially in this war, there are so many married soldiers in reserves and also in regular service today,” said Ostroff, adding that this topic should have been advanced by the IDF.
“The entire General Staff is responsible for this because it is responsible for the well-being of its soldiers,” he added, saying that he thinks it should be led by the IDF Rabbinate in cooperation with IDF mental health experts.
It is also vital that the halachic side of this issue is addressed by rabbis connected to the army or with children in the army, he added.
“They are the ones who can rule in Halacha on this because they feel it,” he said. “Rabbis who don’t even have children in the army are not affected by this,” he said, adding that this can affect halachic decisions.
“The concern is real, not theoretical,” Omer stressed. It’s essential that soldiers be made aware of this option to safeguard their spouses.”
“If I have a daughter, and her husband goes to the army, I want to know that the army is taking care of my daughter as well, that she won’t be left aguna,” Ostroff said.
“For those who did not sign, it is not too late,” Omer added. “I strongly urge everyone to sign now. Protecting your partner’s future freedom is no less an act of romantic love than buying her a ring.”