As I write this article, three Israeli women hostages – Doron Steinbrecher, Romi Gonen, and Emily Damari – are being reunited with their families in Israel after 471 days in captivity.
In the first of three phases of a dragged-out six-week ceasefire, 33 hostages will be released in exchange for close to 2,000 Hamas prisoners, many with blood on their hands, who are held in Israeli jails. Most Israelis, as well as the governing coalition, are torn to pieces emotionally over this deal but felt that time was running out to get any of these hostages out alive.
The conflicting emotions Israelis are feeling about the hostage deal range from fear and sorrow and anger to joy and happiness. Seeing the three women being transferred from their captors to freedom was certainly a cathartic moment for the nation. As I watched the news, I was moved and happy to see these three freed hostages reunited with their families.
After all, even if you were against this deal, it certainly was a moving moment for the whole nation. Even some of the television reporters could not hold back tears of happiness.
Sadly, this joyful moment will be short-lived and quickly replaced by rising anxiety as the nation waits to see if the next scheduled release a week from now will occur.
One of my clients expressed what many are feeling. She said that certainly it is a happy moment to see hostages released, but she is afraid to learn about the actual physical and emotional condition of the survivors, and to see the names of those who did not survive. The drawn-out schedule and slow release of hostages is a stark reminder of the pain the country feels for those still being held in the tunnels of Gaza under unbearable conditions.
People across the political spectrum remember when Gilad Schalit was freed by Hamas in 2011 in exchange for 1,000 terrorists, including Yahya Sinwar. Sinwar went on to mastermind and lead the horrific attack against Israelis on Oct, 7, 2023. He was killed by Israeli troops on October 16, 2024. In fact, 82% of the terrorists released in the Schalit deal have returned to terrorism against Israelis.
OBVIOUSLY, THERE are some reasons to be against the deal.
More Israelis might be murdered by freeing terrorists from our jails, and others might be kidnapped and once again kept hostage to be traded to free more terrorists. So why do the majority of Israelis, according to polls, support the deal? One reserve soldier explained it well. “It is all about our values in saving Jewish lives. We are willing to pay the price, even knowing that we will pay a bigger price down the road.”
It seems Hamas and other terrorist groups know this about us as well. They know how much we value life. They know that eventually Israelis will come to the table to save the lives of fellow Israelis held hostage. Furthermore, they know that Israelis will do this for their fellow citizens, no matter if they are dead or alive.
During the past year and a half, we have been divided about our priority, doing whatever is necessary to free the hostages while continuing fighting until Hamas surrenders and releases the hostages. Some Israelis are enraged at President Donald Trump. They note that he could have put more pressure on the supporters of Hamas, Qatar, as well as Egypt and Turkey. Instead, his threats were made against Hamas and Israel to get the deal done and release the hostages before his inauguration.
One of my clients, worried about Trump’s pushing Israel to make the deal, said that maybe there are things we don’t know. Maybe Trump and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have a secret plan that ultimately is in our best interest but they can’t reveal this to the public. What was most disturbing for this client was not the decisions being made but the uncertainty and not really understanding the bigger picture. I think that many Israelis have the same concerns.
Some families who have lost loved ones in battle question what their soldiers died for if we are surrendering to Hamas. Others state the opposite and feel that if it were not for the successes on the battlefield, there would not be any deal to release hostages. We all mourn the loss of our soldiers who have given their lives in the fight for the security of all Israelis.
Israelis whose loved ones were murdered by released terrorists
THERE IS one group of Israelis to which I want to draw attention. I have read numerous stories about the outrage and sense of abandonment felt by Israelis whose loved ones were murdered by one of the released terrorists.
How does the government address their anger and sense of betrayal? Will these individuals become retraumatized? These individuals and families are a high-risk group that need to be carefully monitored by mental health professionals and assessed for any emotional fallout. This is critical. They must not be overlooked or forgotten.
Sometimes there are no easy answers. We Israelis are used to that uncomfortable reality. But we also are strong and resilient and, like the name of our national anthem, “Hatikvah,” we will always embrace hope.
The writer is a cognitive-behavioral adult and couples psychotherapist with a sub-specialty in treating anxiety, adjustment, and depressive disorders, seeing clients in Ra’anana and his Jerusalem clinic. drmikegropper@gmail.com; facebook.com/drmikegropper