Nir Bergman’s Pink Lady, which opened on Thursday, is an excellent movie that tells a complex, moving story of an ultra-Orthodox couple struggling with the fact that the husband is gay.
During these days when Israeli movies rarely get shown abroad, it won the Best Director prize at the Tallinn Black Nights Film Festival in 2024.
There have been movies and television shows before that have dealt with the issue of gay, ultra-Orthodox men, such as Haim Tabakman’s Eyes Wide Open and a storyline on Srugim, and there is intense drama built into this issue, since the Orthodox world has zero tolerance for homosexuality.
Those in the ultra-Orthodox world who are not heterosexual face a stark choice: Either hide and deny their sexual urges and have a marriage of pretense, or leave the only world they have ever known.
Whatever those facing this dilemma decide, it’s a heart-rending decision. And Pink Lady brings this conflict to life by showing it from the perspectives of both spouses, as no film has done until now.
The movie carries a feeling of authenticity because it was written by Mindi Ehrlich, a woman from a haredi family who was a married mother at 19 and who left the community. She is currently participating in the reality series Married at First Sight, now running on Keshet 12.
Ehrlich knows her characters as an insider, and she feels a great deal of affection for them, which elevates what could have been a preachy movie about a single issue into a moving, human drama. This is her first screenplay, and it’s impressive.
The movie's storyline
The story is mainly told from the point of view of Bati (Nur Fibak), a young wife with three children living in a haredi neighborhood in Jerusalem with her husband, Lazer (Uri Blufarb). Bati completely fits into this community and is happy with her life. She’s a warm, down-to-earth, and funny woman who is a great mother.
Although she is one of 13 siblings, it’s Bati, who her mother, Elka (Sara von Schwarze), calls when her younger sister gets pre-wedding jitters. Bati works part-time running a women’s mikveh (ritual bath), and adheres faithfully to all the laws surrounding “family purity,” about how long after having her period can she be intimate with her husband. She worries a little because when she and Lazer are permitted to have sex, he doesn’t seem to be that into it.
We also get Lazer’s perspective. He loves his wife and children, although Bati is right, he isn’t very interested in having sex with her. He’s quiet and sensitive, a young man once considered the most promising student in his yeshiva, who now chooses to work as a carpenter’s assistant, a poorly paid job that does not carry the prestige of full-time yeshiva study.
WHATEVER DOUBTS they have about the physical side of their relationship, they don’t talk about them, until there is a crisis. The crisis comes in the form of an envelope filled with pictures of Lazer making out with another man.
The blackmailers have been threatening Lazer that they will expose his sexual orientation, and he has been scrambling to find the money, which keeps going up and is a huge amount for them.
When Bati sees the pictures and learns of the blackmail, at first she pretends to believe his excuse that the pictures are Photoshopped, that he has never had a sexual relationship with a man, and she focuses on the immediate crisis: how to pay off the blackmailers. But when she does a little digging into what it means to Photoshop a picture, she realizes without a doubt that the photos are genuine.
Their relationship moves into a different phase, as he begins to see a rabbi for treatment for his “urges,” since they still love each other. Lazer tells Bati that while he isn’t attracted to her body, he does love her soul.
They don’t want the pressure of a scandal, and their divorce would be seen as scandalous, which would be damaging for their young children’s marriage prospects. Bati starts praying at the Western Wall every day that he will become attracted to her.
The pressure on the couple amps up when her mother receives the photos, and both of their mothers urge him into a new and supposedly more effective therapy.
The movie sheds light on how intrusive this whole process is for the couple. Their mothers and so many others get involved and discuss the most intimate details of their sex life.
Bati sees a women’s marriage counselor, who is portrayed as well-meaning, who urges her to buy sexy lingerie. Lazer is given porn magazines showing women, although why anyone thinks this would help him is unclear. And, all the time, they are being pressured by the blackmailers for more money.
The uniqueness of the film
What makes the movie interesting is that it goes deeper than the typical issue-oriented film. Yes, it’s about how the intolerance for gays in this community puts people into impossible situations. But it’s also about how the control of sexuality also takes its toll on straight women like Bati.
This is highlighted when Natalie (Gal Malka), a secular, assertive, Mizrahi woman, comes to the mikveh where Bati works, wanting to immerse herself to please her boyfriend, who is becoming religious.
Even though she tries, Natalie can’t get all the nail gel off her fingernails, as she is required to before entering the mikveh, but begs Bati to allow her into the mikveh anyway.
Bati helps her, which creates a bond between them. When it’s time to go lingerie shopping, Bati wisely brings Natalie along with her, and we see how different it is to have a friend help you, rather than judgmental representatives of a community trying to get you to uphold their standards.
Bati even gets interested in the porn magazines that Lazer has been given, and it opens a window for her into a kind of sexuality she has never dreamed about before.
But her sexual awakening makes it more difficult for her to cope with the fact that Lazer is not attracted to her. It’s impossible not to feel for both characters as they try to find a way out of their dilemma.
The cast is wonderful. Fibak is so good that it’s hard to believe she’s acting, and she reminded me of some young Orthodox mothers I’ve known. Blufarb, who was in The Stronghold, gives a quirky, compelling performance in a difficult role, showing Lazer’s flaws but making him likable. Malka, who was in A Body That Works, is one of Israel’s rising stars.
Bergman, who has made such emotion-filled dramas as Here We Are, Broken Wings, and Yona, is the ideal director to bring this story to life.
While it tells a uniquely Jewish story, there are true emotions here that will speak to viewers even if they have no interest in religion.