It's been 100 days since nearly 250 Israeli citizens were kidnapped by Hamas and taken into Gaza. 121 have returned and the testimonies are extremely difficult to hear.
When I was a girl, my parents taught me how to be mindful of dangers: How not to stick my hands in an electrical socket, not to talk to strangers, and always look right and left before crossing the street. No one prepared me - us - for how to survive in Hamas captivity.
Since that day, I can't stop asking myself, what would have been my biggest struggle, if I were taken captive by Hamas. Would it be the fear of death? One where my whole life would pass before me. A fear that only someone who had a gun pointed at his head knows.
What fear?
Maybe the fear of constant hunger: A fear that I would never know if and when the next slice of bread would arrive. Maybe I would starve to death altogether.
The fear of rape and violence. The fear that they would hurt me, that they would wound me and maybe I would get pregnant. The fear of lack of privacy. The fear that they would look at me.
How would I shower and go to the bathroom? What would happen if I got my period? Would they look at me while I was asleep?
The fear of loneliness. The fear of the dark, alone at night while outside the cannons roared.
The fear of staying in a cage underground, and if I’ll run out of air. The fear that they'll kill me and bury me in a place I'll never be found. The fear of losing my sanity.
How would I remember how many days had passed?
The fear of cages: No living creature deserves to be imprisoned in a cage, underground.
Fear and worry for the family I left behind. Were their lives ruined? Fear that maybe they completely forgot about me. That they won't fight for me, and I'll stay captive forever.
Most likely, my biggest fear would be to lose hope.
Liat Bell Sommer is the spokesperson for the Hostages and Missing Persons’ Families Forum Headquarters.